Writing – Come and Get Me.

Dylan wanted to meet some aliens. He’d wanted to meet some for ages but they never seemed to show up. He had tried calling out to them. Every night he would stand in his garden, look up at the stars and shout ‘come and get me!’ but they never answered him. He thought maybe he wasn’t shouting loud enough so he bought a megaphone. Surely they’d hear if he used a megaphone. He’d always assumed that they would be able to sense his pleas for attention through the use of highly advanced technology, possibly involving crystals and lasers or something like that. He didn’t know the exact way in which they operated, it was more of an instinctual thing, but he was fairly sure crystals and laser were part of their set up. Also telepathy, they had to be telepathic. But no, they didn’t pick up on his calls. So he went online and bought a megaphone. A really powerful megaphone, the biggest and most expensive one he could get.

When it arrived he was made up. He opened the box, popped in the batteries and switched it on. As he was indoors he thought it best just to test it out by whispering.

“Come and get me,” he whispered. His voice was amplified and filled the room like a big booming yell. This was a good megaphone. He couldn’t wait to try it out that night. He was so excited.

Dylan started running through in his head what he hoped would happen. He would stand at the end of his garden in the same spot he’d being standing in each evening for the last three years and he would call out to the aliens. There would be a light in the sky which, to the untrained eye, looked just like an ordinary star. But Dylan would know it wasn’t just a regular star and that it was in fact a space craft. Most likely powered by crystals or lasers or something. An alien onboard the spacecraft would hear him and use it’s long grey finger to fiddle with the controls and change course towards Dylan’s garden. Dylan would see the spacecraft become larger as it descended. His garden would appear to change from night to day as the light from the crafts undercarriage shone down on him. There would be a gentle humming sound coming from the crystal powered engine and a hatch would open. A big round laser beam would shoot out from the hatch and onto the ground. Then the aliens, or perhaps just a single alien, would step out from the laser beam and greet him.

He’d imagined the scenario many many times. Sometimes the spacecraft would be flat and disc like and sometimes it would be a perfect sphere. It would give off a buzzing sound which would be both calming but also invigorating. The laser from the hatch would sometimes be bright white, sometimes yellow and now and then it was red. The aliens always looked the same. They would be naked, grey in colour, roughly four foot in height and they’d have large oval shaped heads. Their eyes would be big, black and shaped like fat almonds. They didn’t have a nose or a mouth because they didn’t need to breath and they communicated telepathically. They would have a single finger on each hand as they had evolved to a point were most of their tasks could be done using just the power of their minds. He’d hear their thoughts as they spoke directly to his brain and they would say hello and then ask him to step into the laser. Next thing he would be transported inside the spacecraft and it would be marvellous. The interior would be perfectly white and gleaming. There would be a few lights that blinked and a small control panel that the aliens would used to fly the spacecraft. They would gather round him and all telepathically introduce themselves. They’d ask him questions about the planet Earth and Dylan would tell them everything he knew. He’d tell the aliens about the history of the planet, he’d tell them about it’s technology and how it was primitive and crude compared to their own crystal and laser based one. The aliens would politely acknowledge this and share a friendly joke with Dylan. Wasn’t the planet Earth a funny little place, they’d all think together, with it’s messy carbon fuels and it’s antiquated way of looking at things. Dylan would agree and then one of the aliens would press a button on the control panel and off they’d go; up up and away into space. They’d take Dylan on amazing adventures and show him the beauty of the universe. It would be great.

So it wasn’t as if Dylan hadn’t given this any thought. No, he’d spent a considerable amount of time contemplating the whole thing. And now he had a megaphone then at last the aliens would be able to hear him. Tonight they’d finally come and visit him. Finally. He supposed he should smarten himself up a bit, maybe have a wash, brush his teeth and comb his hair. Clean underwear would be nice too. He knew the aliens wouldn’t be able to smell him if he was a bit sweaty, he doubted they concerned themselves with things such as body odour or scruffy clothes but he thought it was only polite to make that little bit of extra effort. After all he was going to be the ambassador for the planet Earth soon. So he got a bath and put on his best shirt and trousers. He considered wearing a tie, but the only one he had was the black one he wore at funerals so he decided against it. Too depressing, the aliens would probably sense the negative vibrations from the funeral tie. He looked in the mirror. The shirt was a bit tight and it made him look chubby so he changed back into his comfy t-shirt, the one with the yin-yang sign on. The t-shirt was a message to the aliens, it showed them that he understood about the duality of the universe and how everything was interconnected. They’d understand. Then he realised that the t-shirt and trouser combo he was wearing looked a bit odd. The trousers didn’t go with the top and made him feel uncomfortable so he put his favourite jeans back on. He thought that maybe he was overthinking this, after all the aliens would be naked. So he stripped off all his clothes, grabbed his megaphone and went out into the garden.

When he got to his usual shouting spot he flicked the switch on the megaphone and cranked the volume up to maximum. He cleared his throat, pointed the megaphone towards the sky and began shouting.

“Come and get me! Come and get me! Come and get me!”

Nothing happened.

“Come and get me! Come and get me! Come and get me!”

Silence.

“Come and get me! Come and get me! Come and get me!”

Then there was a sound, quite a loud sound actually.

“Will you just shut up, I’ve got work in the morning. If you don’t quit it Dylan I’m phoning the police!” It was Mrs Rogers from next door. This wasn’t the first time she’d moaned at him. Why couldn’t she just leave him be? He’d told her all about the aliens so it’s not as if she didn’t know what he was up to. She was normally okay with him, now and then she’d make the odd comment about him calling out to them, but she was usually fine. He stepped out from his shouting spot and walked up the garden so he could see her. She was standing looking down onto his garden from her bedroom window.

“Mrs Rogers, please, this is really important. I’ve just got a new megaphone phone, look.” He waved his new megaphone at her. She looked horrified.

“Dylan son, what are you doing? Where are you clothes?”

“It’s okay Mrs Rogers, they won’t mind. They don’t wear clothes either.” Dylan smiled at Mrs Rogers but she quickly drew her curtains and he saw her bedroom go off. He put the megaphone to his mouth.

“Mrs Rogers, what’s wrong? Mrs Rogers! Mrs Rogers! Mrs Rogers?” She didn’t reply.

Dylan walked back to his shouting spot. She’s probably just gone back to bed, he thought, she knows how important this was to him. Mrs Rogers understood. He turned his attention back to the stars and began calling out to the aliens.

“Come and get me! Come and get me! Come and get me!”

He’d had been shouting for about five minutes when the lights came. At last, thought Dylan, at last. He wasn’t expecting them to be blue but at least they were here now. They lit up his garden and he quickly scanned the sky for the spacecraft. Then he spotted it. It looked like an ordinary star but he knew different. He waited for it to get bigger but before it had a chance to adjust it’s crystal powered engine an unseen force hit him from behind. He was thrown forward and landed in the thorny bushes at the end of the garden. Shocked and scratched Dylan tried to make sense of the situation. Why were the aliens being so hostile? Why weren’t they coming in peace? Why was there two police officers standing over him and why were they pointing their tazers at him?

The largest of the two officers grabbed hold of Dylan while the other put the handcuffs on him. He was led out of his garden, through his house and into the street. Some of the neighbours had come out into their front gardens and were standing and staring, some were laughing, some pointing and some just shook their heads. Dylan was bundled into the back of the police van, the officer driving put his foot on the accelerator and the van moved to the end of the street, made a left turn and headed towards the station.

Dylan started to regret not wearing his best shirt, trousers and tie that evening.

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